It’s 2018 and yet, dozens and dozens of men are still complaining about not knowing what women really want. If you’re one of those asking, the answer to your seemingly undying question can be found mostly… on Twitter. Yes, you read that right, Twitter. Start looking here to have an idea of what we’re about to go into.
It sucks when someone judges you. That’s exactly my thought whenever I see a crowd of three or four adults looking at a girl going inside a bank with skimpy shorts and a tattered shirt. I’d think, “Hey, leave her be, will you?” Who says great people always wear ties?
They say first impressions last, so you’ll want to make a good one. If you’re worried about hitting the mark, here are some tips to help you prepare for that first date.
Set the mood.
Even before you meet up with your date, try to set the mood for yourself. Take time to really prepare for the date. Take a relaxing warm shower or bath. Play some feel-good music and dance around your room a little.
Pump yourself up by talking to some friends who will be encouraging. Try to figure out how to get yourself excited about the date instead of thinking about what could go wrong.
Have realistic expectations.
Forget about the dozens of romantic comedies you’ve seen. Hollywood has set the bar unrealistically high. Go easy on yourself – and your date – by setting realistic expectations. The conversation doesn’t have to be non-stop.
Some silence in between is completely normal and doesn’t necessarily mean your date is bored. Some slip-ups or mistakes are perfectly fine. Sometimes, these can make the night even more memorable. It’s important to remember that everything doesn’t have to go perfectly smoothly.
Practice having casual conversations.
If you feel anxious over the thought of small talk and conversing, try practicing before your big date. Strike up a conversation with someone at the park or your local barista. Finding your rhythm and knowing what you can easily talk about will be a great help.
If you’re uncomfortable talking about yourself, try to focus on what interests you about the other person. Once you’ve figured that out, ask more about it. Another tip is to listen to what other people ask you about. Use those questions as a guide and maybe you can ask your date the same things.
See it in a different light.
Don’t see it as a make-or-break date. Try thinking of it as making a new friend, at the very least. This will help with worries you might have about messing up. Try to imagine you’re just talking to a friend. Let yourself relax around them and don’t think about worst-case scenarios. Try to put your mindset into thinking of it as something you’re already comfortable with.
Another way to look at a first date is that it’ll never be a losing situation. You’re getting into this date as a single individual. At best, you make a good connection and a second date. At worst, you’ve gained new experiences and know more about what you’re looking for in a person.
Don’t over-analyze the date afterward.
Don’t beat yourself up over stuttering when you spoke about your job. Don’t stress over forgetting a detail about your date. These things happen. Owning up to your mistakes are important but replaying them over and over in your head helps nobody.
If you make a slip-up, apologize and move on. Laugh and maybe make a joke out of it. Don’t hold onto the mistakes you might have made. Thinking about them too much will not bring you back in time to prevent you from making them.
Things are over and done with already. Learn from them but also move on. Remember that everyone also gets nervous and can make slip-ups too.
Have you heard Sam Smith’s latest song? The title of his beautiful song filled with so much hurt and pain is “Too Good At Goodbyes”. For Sam, it’s about unrequited love which is so common. You fall in love and give your all, but it’s always not good enough. In fact, nothing you do will ever be enough. Have you ever felt that way in your whole life? According to Betterhelp, some people even get to the point of depression when their love is unanswered and their heart is played.
“I know you’re thinkin’ I’m heartless
I know you’re thinkin’ I’m cold
I’m just protectin’ my innocence
I’m just protectin’ my soul”
~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith
Andrea never had a serious relationship after Don. Her three boyfriends after him all said the same thing – “Andrea is cold. She’s mean, man. Heartless.” They didn’t know about Don and what happened to her with him.
Andrea and Don
The couple were high school sweethearts and they dated all the way through college. After 8 years of being together, Don just left without a word. Andrea was a total wreck and she didn’t know what to do. A week after his intentional disappearance, Don sent an email to Andrea telling her that he was suffocated and that he needed to get away from her.
They were each other’s first and the couple literally grew up together. Andrea blamed herself for everything and at one time, she even contemplated suicide. Her father walked on her cutting herself and since then, they monitored her every move. She was in a treatment program for her depression and suicidal tendencies. After a year, Andrea showed a different side.
When the therapist said that she can “live on her own”, Andrea tried to move on and mask the pain.
“I’m never gonna let you close to me
Even though you mean the most to me
‘Cause every time I open up, it hurts
So I’m never gonna get too close to you
Even when I mean the most to you
In case you go and leave me in the dirt”
~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith
This was her way of getting by. She never gave it her all again. Andrea refused to fall in love again because, at the back of her mind, they will do to her what Don so conveniently put her through.
Was it a healthy reaction for Andrea? No. The moment her boyfriend made a mistake, Andrea shuts off and walks away.
Travis was her boyfriend after Don and he said something that triggered Andrea’s past experience. It wasn’t even bad, but Andrea was totally sensitive and thought, “Not again.” She just told him that it was over without a valid explanation.
Nick was a sweet guy. He tried to show her how much she meant to him by pushing Andrea to meet his parents. Andrea didn’t handle the situation well and left Nick with his parents standing at the middle of the restaurant. She texted him – “We’re done.”
Roy was bad news. Andrea liked the idea of being with a rocker guy at arm’s length and detached. They would fool around and Andrea was still empty. For a while, Roy was fine with it. She grew tired and dumped him, though. “Bye,” she said.
“And every time you hurt me, the less that I cry
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry
And every time you walk out, the less I love you
Baby, we don’t stand a chance, it’s sad but it’s true”
~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith
Andrea needed help. She wouldn’t admit it, but what she did to her other boyfriends were not normal. A heartbreak can indeed render you helpless for a period of time. It must not consume you and destroy your ability to love and be loved.
Moving on from a relationship is hard, but moving on from a toxic relationship is a totally different story. You may not recognize it yet, or perhaps you are still in denial, but identifying a toxic from a healthy relationship could be one of the most enlightening experiences to have. Not until you ended and have moved on from that toxic relationship would you totally feel relieved and free.
Toxic relationships come in various forms. However, their main denominators would be: taking away your self-confidence, destroying your self-esteem, and degrading you to a level you never thought you would ever have to be in. Most abused individuals never thought they would let anyone break them the way their partners do. But when they’ve become too invested in the relationship and have been perfectly manipulated by their abusers, they feel as if they were held as captives and that there is no way out.
Fortunately, a lot of people have been out of toxic relationships and are able to tell their stories of how they ended things and moved on. So, if you think there’s no way out, think again. Here are proven steps to move on from a toxic relationship:
Block all forms of communication.
The first few months after a breakup is a tough part. You constantly miss your ex-partner and you keep thinking about what they are doing and if they are doing just fine without you. You find yourself stalking them on Twitter, watching their Instagram stories, and checking the green circle on Facebook messenger.
Sure, it could go on for a few weeks. But if you are really determined to forget and move on, you have to realize that stalking your ex will not help you get there. The mantra “Out of sight, out of mind” is especially helpful for people wanting to forget.
Block them on all social media sites where you follow each other, erase their contact number, and challenge yourself for a week or even a month of ‘total abstinence’ from them.
Staying in an abusive relationship means you lack self-love. If you value yourself, you would know that you do not deserve to be treated that way in the first place. Now that you are free, it’s time to make up for everything you’ve been through by pampering yourself and not settling for anything less than you deserve.
Self-love could be as easy as going on a shopping spree and upgrading your wardrobe or even having that eyelash extension you’ve always wanted. Make it all about you, once and for all.
Go out with your friends and build a support system.
Most of the time, abusers do not let their partners go out with their friends as often as they did when they were single. It could be because they do not want their partners to share to their friends what is happening between them or they are just plain jealous all the time.
Your friends are your friends for a reason and if going out with them would make you forget, then do so by all means. Share with them what you’ve been through to get the support that you need. You might be overwhelmed by the immensity of support you will get from the people around you when all along you thought you were alone in your battle.
Seek help from a therapist.
Some people who have been in very toxic relationships lose all hope of ever fixing themselves. There are several online and personal therapists whom you could reach at any time to seek help. You may be wondering how much is therapy, but it could all depend on the degree of help that you would be needing.
It is best that you consult either online or set an appointment right away. You can start with visiting BetterHelp.com to know what options are available for you as well as how much it actually costs to use online therapy. Talking to an expert would give you a scientific understanding of what you’ve been through, why you let it happen, and why it continues to affect you. Remember, you have been manipulated and abused. You’re not supposed to blame yourself for falling into a trap.
Make yourself busy by improving yourself. Take that cooking class you’ve been interested about or that calligraphy class you’ve been eyeing online. Even the smallest things such as reading a few articles a day, or hitting the gym for an hour would make a huge difference in your life. Do it for yourself because you owe it yourself.
Degrees of the toxic relationship vary from one couple to another. But moving out of it could be done in similar ways. It might just take longer for other people but with sheer determination, you will also get there. For now, block your ex first and from there, everything will follow.
The World of Dating
I’ve asked a lot of my male friends what they would really do to get to date a woman. Most of them actually surprised me when they said that they would do mostly anything for their woman to date them – or to have sex with them. Meaning, women won’t know if they’re in it for the marriage or merely for getting them to bed.
It is so awkward being on a date and not knowing what to talk about. The silence that fills the spaces and not knowing what to say to fill it up can be so uncomfortable. It is easy to run out of things to talk about when you meet someone for the first time.
For first dates, the perfect conversations can make or mark your chances of getting another date, so it’s important that you have an idea of interesting discussion topics, so you don’t run out of what to discuss with your dates.
Be it in advertisements, romance novels, social media, and magazines, dating topics are almost a staple daily topic everywhere. This also includes a very popular choice about moving on from a painful break-up. How do we start a new life after investing so much time, effort and emotions from a relationship we thought would last forever? A romantic relationship filled with so much love has turned into a cycle of misunderstandings, blame games, and toxic fights.
What are the qualities you can think of that make up the right woman? Would she be as beautiful as a goddess, would her sexiness be incomparable or maybe would she be as intelligent as Einstein? What do you think?
Most guys are looking for their right woman, and truthfully most of these qualities don’t end up being there at all. It is hard to find the perfect match for themselves.
Here are some qualities to know if she is right for you:
At some point, most of us have been in that kind of relationship where we are wondering whether to let go or still hold on. We are confused as to the direction the relationship is taking us, and we just don’t know whether to walk away or keep holding on, hoping that things will get better. Relationships normally go through high and low moments and in those moments, it’s hard to be sure of where you stand in the relationship.
There are times in your relationship when you feel like it’s no longer worth it. Trying to make it work just begins to feel like a waste of time, and you begin to wonder if it’s time to say goodbye.
You look at your partner, and you just don’t feel the love anymore. All the admiration you have for them is gone, and you just don’t want to be with them anymore. Or maybe it isn’t you. Maybe it’s them, with their refusal to put in more effort. You realize that they have been taking you for granted, you no longer feel as if they love you anymore, all the nice things they did for you in the past seems like it happened in your past life. The way they treat you now makes you feel worthless and unloved. You just begin to feel like it’s time to move on.