At some point, most of us have been in that kind of relationship where we are wondering whether to let go or still hold on. We are confused as to the direction the relationship is taking us, and we just don’t know whether to walk away or keep holding on, hoping that things will get better. Relationships normally go through high and low moments and in those moments, it’s hard to be sure of where you stand in the relationship.
There are times in your relationship when you feel like it’s no longer worth it. Trying to make it work just begins to feel like a waste of time, and you begin to wonder if it’s time to say goodbye.
You look at your partner, and you just don’t feel the love anymore. All the admiration you have for them is gone, and you just don’t want to be with them anymore. Or maybe it isn’t you. Maybe it’s them, with their refusal to put in more effort. You realize that they have been taking you for granted, you no longer feel as if they love you anymore, all the nice things they did for you in the past seems like it happened in your past life. The way they treat you now makes you feel worthless and unloved. You just begin to feel like it’s time to move on.
When women date, most of them (including me) would hope that their dates would flourish into wonderful and lasting relationships. Well, at first it would seem that they just want to have fun and have somebody to show off to their friends or their exes. Then when the first date becomes the second and the third, a flicker of hope begins to grow into them, yearning as always that this date is THE ONE.
And why wouldn’t he be? He’s handsome, especially when he smiles with his eyes. He’s so much fun to be with, he’s totally awesome with your friends, and he seems to be all over you! What’s there not to hope?
But what about the little things? Have you noticed his small habits or his unlikely mannerisms? What about the way he talks to you? Is he gentle or do you sense a tinge of sarcasm in his voice that he so tries to hide?
Here are a few warning signs that you should watch out for so you’ll know that your date is not boyfriend material after all.
Warning Signs That He’s Not Boyfriend Material
He postpones your dates and his activities are suspicious. It’s one thing to be late on a date, but it’s a big turn-off if he keeps on making excuses not to push through with one. When he says he can’t make it tonight because something important came up or that there’s an emergency at work, you better think twice, girl.
A shady person almost always cannot be trusted. It only means he won’t be there when you need him to be – or it just wouldn’t matter to him if you spend anniversaries alone.
He wants to change the way you are. When your date looks at you as if you’re perfect with those small side flabs and tiny freckles on your face, then you can consider holding on to him. But if he were someone who tells you there’s no way that he would tolerate his girl gaining weight and not lifting those weights, please tell him to be on his way.
Of course, it’s always good to be each other’s inspiration with everything, but when it seems as if you need to change something just to meet his standards, that is way beyond just wanting what’s best for you but what’s desirable to him.
He’s dating another girl but he tells you he’s more into you. If you think that’s flattering, think again. This doesn’t only show that he’s not committed but also that he’s not sure what he wants. He may want you today but tomorrow he might tell you he’s with Cathy and he finally decided she’s the one for him. So what do you do?
Of course, don’t give him the chance to treat you like he’s the one who dumped you. Dump him first and simply tell him, “You don’t deserve me.”
He badmouths his ex and tells you things that he shouldn’t have divulged to anyone in the first place. Being a gentleman is one of the best assets of a man, and backbiting an ex is certainly not the most gentlemanly thing to do. A guy who says something negative about his ex to you might give you the sense that he hasn’t really gotten over his ex – which could actually be true!
Also, some guys are so hung up with being hurt from their past relationships that they keep on complaining about how bad relationships can get. You have got to watch out for men like these. They spew negativity even before the two of you could even start. Don’t let this guy move on to date number two. Believe me. It’s better that way.
What I think
I guess out of the many red flags that I’ve read about men, these are some of the most important, all of which I do agree upon. Let’s hope we get to meet guys who are committed to making us happy and inspire us to be better but allow us to be ourselves.
You wake up with a pounding headache and the smell of your sheets – no, not your sheets – because you’re in someone else’s house!
You partied hard last night and you got so bombed you have only vague memories of mostly everything. You remember dancing with a cute guy – the one you were sharing tables with. You kissed while you danced and – well that was the most you can recall.
As you lay there not moving and couldn’t actually move because you don’t know where to go, you are filled with regret that you had too much to drink. You reach for your clothes on the floor and very quietly, you get into them, slip out of the room and head straight home without looking back. What happened was a one-night stand and will stay that way – at least as far as you know.
But come to think of it. If he calls and asks for a date, would you consider it? Perhaps you could give it a try, just to know how it really went that night – if you’re up to it – just to see if there’s chemistry between the two of you after all.
Not All One-Night Stands Don’t Work
In a recent study done by Match.com, they found that 27% of females turned their one-night stands into great relationships. This is to say that after being with someone you just met and talked with for a few hours and getting into bed with him quickly after, won’t necessarily mean no good will come out of it always. It means that some people who had one-night stands attempted to call or text each other to see if they were compatible with some things other than sex.
Planning to call or text after that fateful night is not easy, though. The awkwardness will be evident in the long silence between your conversations and the laughs that are almost obligatory. When you both decide to meet for the second time, it’ll be unusual to see each other in your clothes, as you seem to have forgotten that night before you went to bed. But when you get over that part, you’d be surprised that your conversations will be enjoyable and fun. You’ll have a lot to talk about because you’re actually still getting to know each other.
There have been a lot of testimonials from couples who started their relationships from one-time casual sex. They admitted that before you could see something special in a one-night stand, you should be able to get through that night and decide what to do in the morning – if you’re willing to wait for your date to wake up and talk about having breakfast together, to be open for a second date if he calls – or if you call – and if you decide that you don’t want to pursue it after all.
Although one-night stands have a negative reputation, more and more single men and women of today reveal that their current blooming relationships didn’t start the usual way. They never thought they’d end up with their partners now, but they did. It really is possible. That someone you spent the night with could be the one you’re going to spend your life with.
Here’s an excerpt of a one-night stand gone special:
“While traveling, I stayed in a hostel in Australia. One night, I met Sam, who was staying there too. We drank, flirted and ended up in a bunk bed in an empty dorm. I snuck back to my room, but the next day he came to ask if I wanted to hang out. We ended up traveling together, and seven and a half years on, we’re married.” Jean, 27
When two people have been together for, say, five years or more, it would seem as if nothing can ever break their bond and anything that they go through, they can overcome. After all, what’s left unturned after five years of togetherness, right?
Yet it might be surprising to know that in most long-term relationships, couples are still not immune to arguments and fights and misunderstandings. As they find reasons to continue loving each other, so are there a lot of reasons to fall apart and fail, despite the length of the relationship.
But how are long term relationships different from the short term ones? Is it really more special or is length all just a number of years that can easily be won over by ‘love at first sights?’ When a long-term relationship is struggling and on the brink of failing, is it really worth saving? Here are some questions to ask to determine whether or not your relationship with your long-time partner is worth thinking over – before finally deciding to call it quits.
Questions to Ask
Where is your relationship built around?
A strong relationship is built on trust, openness, commitment and respect. When these walls make up the foundation of your relationship, it is difficult to put it to waste just like that. Relationships that are strengthened by these elements are composed of two people who truly love each other and deserve to be fought for. They should try as best they can to overcome the challenges of their failing relationship because they might never find something that they have now.
Have you always been effectively communicating?
In all relationships – new and old – communication is key. Small arguments rarely get big if couples only learn to talk about what’s bothering them, or what’s keeping them from doing what they’re supposed to do. If your partner is busy, he could show his thoughtfulness through calls or text messages, and you can do the same as well, just to keep the communication lines open.
Talking about your day is one way of knowing more about your partner and what they are like in the workplace or with their families. When there is communication, couples are encouraged to tell each other how they feel about certain things and be honest with each other.
Do you still enjoy each other’s company?
When you’ve been together for years, you run out of things to do and the relationship may sometimes feel dry and boring. Find new activities to do for both of you and determine if you still are willing to exert effort in trying to have fun with each other.
Do you feel like you’ll lose your best friend if you lose your partner?
When things are rough between you and your partner, take time out to be alone so you can think about how much loss it is if you break up with him/her – or if you feel that it’s not a loss after all. Couples who have successfully been together for a long time would attest that they feel they have found their best friend for life in their partners, that their relationship is not only cultivated around love but also in the friendship that they share.
If you feel like you’re losing the one person that you can trust and open your heart out to, then you better hold on to your partner.
If It’s All Worth It
These are only a few questions you can ask yourself when you and your partner are on the verge of falling apart from each other. In the end, new and old relationships should always be treasured and breakups always thought twice before deciding to throw it away. If the relationship is worth saving, do not be afraid to take the risk of loving your partner. Enjoy the good times and stick around during the bad times, and you’re on your way to forever.
It’s been three months and three dates but you still haven’t gotten that feeling that this date just might be the one. “What am I doing wrong?” you ask yourself. Maybe you’re just too stringent on your criteria. Or maybe you didn’t give yourself a chance to know your dates better and assumed they weren’t for you.
And then one fine day, while you were out having a jog with your best friend, he blurts it out: “I was wondering if it was okay to ask you on a date.”