Dating Red Flags That Affect Our Mental Well-Being

Many of us see our romantic partners as someone to lean on during difficult times in our life. However, they can sometimes be the opposite of helpful. The sad reality is that toxic relationships are not uncommon. You may not realize it, but your date could exhibit behavior that’s detrimental to our mental wellness.

Let’s take a look at some practices that warn you to get out while it’s early.

Controlling Behavior


While some people notice some signs of controlling behavior, many tend to shrug it off. What they don’t understand is that this tends to get worse as the relationship progresses.

It could start with something as simple as them asking you to keep them updated on your activities throughout the day. Seems pretty innocent, right? After all, they’re just interested in you, and they want to know what you’re up to.

But this can get worse. Soon enough, your partner might ask you to stop seeing some of your friends and family. They might want you to stop wearing certain types of clothing. They want you to play by their rules.

These signs can’t be anything but harmful to your well-being. They are also forms of mental and psychological abuse. Such behavior means that your partner is stripping you of your free will and identity. It can lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression. Stick with a partner who respects your space and freedom.


Being Secretive

When you’re in a relationship, you expect to get to know them as nobody else does. Admittedly, that’s not to say that they have to share every detail of their life with you. But it’s worrying when they seem to be very secretive.

This instance can be shown by them being protective of their phone and not wanting you to even touch it. Your partner may also refrain from giving you details about where they’ve been or what they did throughout the day.

When you’re with someone like this, you can’t help but feel like something is wrong. Being in this situation gradually manifests in paranoia. Is my partner cheating on me? Are they living a double life? You’ll want a partner in your life who can be open with you.

Taking Down To You

It’s not unusual to tease around with friends and romantic partners. Sometimes it’s about our height or a weird habit. However, you’ll know when the joke seems to be taking a different direction.


Some people talk down to their partners. Almost everything coming out of their mouth is some form of criticism. They make negative comments about your appearance, friends, family, hobbies, interests, life choices, and so on. While some criticism can help you grow, it certainly isn’t helpful if it’s the only thing you hear.

Being treated in this particular way can be a sharp blow to your confidence. All of us have insecurities, and your partner should be helping you overcome them instead of adding to it. Find someone who enables you to grow, not hinder you from such.

Lying And Gaslighting

They say that a little white lie never hurt anybody. While that’s true, constant lying is a huge red flag. It’s one thing to lie about going to bed when you’re playing video games. It’s another thing for you to say you’re with family when you’re out drinking with friends.


Gaslighting is an even bigger problem. It is a form of manipulation wherein a person makes you question your observations, reality, and even sanity. They can do this by feeding you wrong information, diverting your attention to a different topic, or trivializing your feelings and concerns.

For example, you confront your partner about forgetting to do an errand you asked them to do. They can counter by saying that you never requested them to do such in the first place. It is another technique people use to gaslight or manipulate you.

Manipulation can leave long-lasting emotional scars. It can make you distrustful of people, making it hard to connect with others. It makes you question your sanity and whether or not your feelings are valid. This can make you susceptible to mental health disorders.


It’s true about the saying love is blind. But those who are smart will keep their eyes peeled for red flags such as these. In all relationships, it isn’t wise to give the other person everything you have and can. Saving love for yourself is essential. Keep yourself and your mental well-being as your top priority.

Heartbreak And Depression



Have you heard Sam Smith’s latest song? The title of his beautiful song filled with so much hurt and pain is “Too Good At Goodbyes”. For Sam, it’s about unrequited love which is so common. You fall in love and give your all, but it’s always not good enough. In fact, nothing you do will ever be enough. Have you ever felt that way in your whole life? According to Betterhelp, some people even get to the point of depression when their love is unanswered and their heart is played.


“I know you’re thinkin’ I’m heartless

I know you’re thinkin’ I’m cold

I’m just protectin’ my innocence

I’m just protectin’ my soul”


~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith


Andrea never had a serious relationship after Don. Her three boyfriends after him all said the same thing – “Andrea is cold. She’s mean, man. Heartless.” They didn’t know about Don and what happened to her with him.




Andrea and Don


The couple were high school sweethearts and they dated all the way through college. After 8 years of being together, Don just left without a word. Andrea was a total wreck and she didn’t know what to do. A week after his intentional disappearance, Don sent an email to Andrea telling her that he was suffocated and that he needed to get away from her.


They were each other’s first and the couple literally grew up together. Andrea blamed herself for everything and at one time, she even contemplated suicide. Her father walked on her cutting herself and since then, they monitored her every move. She was in a treatment program for her depression and suicidal tendencies. After a year, Andrea showed a different side.


When the therapist said that she can “live on her own”, Andrea tried to move on and mask the pain.


“I’m never gonna let you close to me

Even though you mean the most to me

‘Cause every time I open up, it hurts

So I’m never gonna get too close to you

Even when I mean the most to you

In case you go and leave me in the dirt”


~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith


This was her way of getting by. She never gave it her all again. Andrea refused to fall in love again because, at the back of her mind, they will do to her what Don so conveniently put her through.


Was it a healthy reaction for Andrea? No. The moment her boyfriend made a mistake, Andrea shuts off and walks away.





Travis was her boyfriend after Don and he said something that triggered Andrea’s past experience. It wasn’t even bad, but Andrea was totally sensitive and thought, “Not again.” She just told him that it was over without a valid explanation.


Nick was a sweet guy. He tried to show her how much she meant to him by pushing Andrea to meet his parents. Andrea didn’t handle the situation well and left Nick with his parents standing at the middle of the restaurant. She texted him – “We’re done.”


Roy was bad news. Andrea liked the idea of being with a rocker guy at arm’s length and detached. They would fool around and Andrea was still empty. For a while, Roy was fine with it. She grew tired and dumped him, though. “Bye,” she said.


“And every time you hurt me, the less that I cry

And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry

And every time you walk out, the less I love you

Baby, we don’t stand a chance, it’s sad but it’s true”


~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith


Andrea needed help. She wouldn’t admit it, but what she did to her other boyfriends were not normal. A heartbreak can indeed render you helpless for a period of time. It must not consume you and destroy your ability to love and be loved.





Ready, Set, Move On From A Toxic Relationship



Moving on from a relationship is hard, but moving on from a toxic relationship is a totally different story. You may not recognize it yet, or perhaps you are still in denial, but identifying a toxic from a healthy relationship could be one of the most enlightening experiences to have. Not until you ended and have moved on from that toxic relationship would you totally feel relieved and free.


Toxic relationships come in various forms. However, their main denominators would be: taking away your self-confidence, destroying your self-esteem, and degrading you to a level you never thought you would ever have to be in. Most abused individuals never thought they would let anyone break them the way their partners do. But when they’ve become too invested in the relationship and have been perfectly manipulated by their abusers, they feel as if they were held as captives and that there is no way out.


Fortunately, a lot of people have been out of toxic relationships and are able to tell their stories of how they ended things and moved on. So, if you think there’s no way out, think again. Here are proven steps to move on from a toxic relationship:


Block all forms of communication.



The first few months after a breakup is a tough part. You constantly miss your ex-partner and you keep thinking about what they are doing and if they are doing just fine without you. You find yourself stalking them on Twitter, watching their Instagram stories, and checking the green circle on Facebook messenger.


Sure, it could go on for a few weeks. But if you are really determined to forget and move on, you have to realize that stalking your ex will not help you get there. The mantra “Out of sight, out of mind” is especially helpful for people wanting to forget.


Block them on all social media sites where you follow each other, erase their contact number, and challenge yourself for a week or even a month of ‘total abstinence’ from them.


Love yourself.


Staying in an abusive relationship means you lack self-love. If you value yourself, you would know that you do not deserve to be treated that way in the first place. Now that you are free, it’s time to make up for everything you’ve been through by pampering yourself and not settling for anything less than you deserve.


Self-love could be as easy as going on a shopping spree and upgrading your wardrobe or even having that eyelash extension you’ve always wanted. Make it all about you, once and for all.


Go out with your friends and build a support system.



Most of the time, abusers do not let their partners go out with their friends as often as they did when they were single. It could be because they do not want their partners to share to their friends what is happening between them or they are just plain jealous all the time.


Your friends are your friends for a reason and if going out with them would make you forget, then do so by all means. Share with them what you’ve been through to get the support that you need. You might be overwhelmed by the immensity of support you will get from the people around you when all along you thought you were alone in your battle.


Seek help from a therapist.


Some people who have been in very toxic relationships lose all hope of ever fixing themselves. There are several online and personal therapists whom you could reach at any time to seek help. You may be wondering how much is therapy, but it could all depend on the degree of help that you would be needing.


It is best that you consult either online or set an appointment right away. You can start with visiting to know what options are available for you as well as how much it actually costs to use online therapy. Talking to an expert would give you a scientific understanding of what you’ve been through, why you let it happen, and why it continues to affect you. Remember, you have been manipulated and abused. You’re not supposed to blame yourself for falling into a trap.


Prioritize self-growth.


Make yourself busy by improving yourself. Take that cooking class you’ve been interested about or that calligraphy class you’ve been eyeing online. Even the smallest things such as reading a few articles a day, or hitting the gym for an hour would make a huge difference in your life. Do it for yourself because you owe it yourself.


Degrees of the toxic relationship vary from one couple to another. But moving out of it could be done in similar ways. It might just take longer for other people but with sheer determination, you will also get there. For now, block your ex first and from there, everything will follow.

How To Effectively Move On From A Failed Relationship


Be it in advertisements, romance novels, social media, and magazines, dating topics are almost a staple daily topic everywhere. This also includes a very popular choice about moving on from a painful break-up. How do we start a new life after investing so much time, effort and emotions from a relationship we thought would last forever? A romantic relationship filled with so much love has turned into a cycle of misunderstandings, blame games, and toxic fights.

When it’s time to say Goodbye


At some point, most of us have been in that kind of relationship where we are wondering whether to let go or still hold on. We are confused as to the direction the relationship is taking us, and we just don’t know whether to walk away or keep holding on, hoping that things will get better. Relationships normally go through high and low moments and in those moments, it’s hard to be sure of where you stand in the relationship.

There are times in your relationship when you feel like it’s no longer worth it. Trying to make it work just begins to feel like a waste of time, and you begin to wonder if it’s time to say goodbye.

You look at your partner, and you just don’t feel the love anymore. All the admiration you have for them is gone, and you just don’t want to be with them anymore. Or maybe it isn’t you. Maybe it’s them, with their refusal to put in more effort. You realize that they have been taking you for granted, you no longer feel as if they love you anymore, all the nice things they did for you in the past seems like it happened in your past life. The way they treat you now makes you feel worthless and unloved. You just begin to feel like it’s time to move on.

How to improve intimacy in your relationship



Intimacy is very important in a relationship, but sometimes because of our crazy schedules in life and career, we become so busy that we begin to lose touch with our loved ones, especially with our partners.

When there is no intimacy in a relationship, the relationship suffers. The two people involved feel so far from each other, the connection that ought to be there isn’t, and there is just this feeling of disconnection between the both of them.

With intimacy, there is this sense of connection, the knowledge that someone knows you totally in every area, and still loves you regardless. Intimacy involves being vulnerable with your partner and just leaving yourself bare for them to see all that you are and hoping it doesn’t chase them away.

How to Maintain A Happy Long Distance Relationship


When I learned that Kevin will be assigned in Singapore for 3 years because he needs to set up a new office for their company, I felt my heart stopped for 15 minutes until I digested the whole thing. OMG! I don’t know if we can make this happen – our relationship to be in this “situation”. These are the sentiments of individuals whose relationship started online (pros and cons here:, and those that started in person.

Five Mistakes You Should Not Make In Your Relationship

Every person dreams of having the perfect relationship – that fairy tale relationship where everything seems so magical, but the truth is that most people are not willing to put in the work that comes with having that fairy-tale-kind-of-love. Even in reality, there aren’t any relationships without mistakes, but there are some common mistakes couples can avoid to have a successful relationship. It is advisable to be aware of some of these challenges, so you catch them in time before they end up destroying your relationship.

Top 10 Dating Tips



Starting a new relationship or entering the dating scene after a long time can be overwhelming which is why there are some set of rules for dating. Not everyone might know all the rules when it comes to having a successful relationship. Sometimes, the work involved in keeping a relationship intact is harder than it should be. There are days when you just want to call it quits and resign yourself to long nights of loneliness while on other days, you feel like you are on cloud 9 and never want to let go.

How Lack Of Communication Is Destroying Your Relationship


There are so many minor and major infractions that can destroy a relationship. Maybe one partner is too busy for the other, or one has the inability to remember important dates or is lying and cheating. Or worse, a vicious habit that one is keeping from another and actually needs recovery from addiction.  Most of these issues could have been solved by listening to your partner and understanding their needs.